7 IMAGES FROM SOME PAST
In memory of St.Cecilia
Wonderment & Astonishment
I have been walking… for a very long time… feels like I’ve been walking for centuries… my legs are tired and my body heavy… so very heavy… Why can’t I just stop walking!? Why am I being punished?… My head is hanging on one tiny, little, weak thread… it could fall any moment now… but my poisons hair is still sleazing out from my scull, being a crude reminder of the vile deeds that came upon me… suddenly I become blinded by the flash… and soon enough the last tiny, little, weak thread is sliced… my head falls… violently smashing my face to the ground beneath my feat… I’ve been walking for so long…and I am not able to stop… I feel my left foot kicking my own head… setting it to an infinite rolling motion… I will never be able to catch up with it again… I am still walking… why can’t I just stop walking!?… My feet become wet!… A cold blood rushes through my legs… my knees finally give up… I start to fall… slowly sliding down towards the ground… I become a smeared stain floating in the air… my cold knees hit the ground with a painful force… Icy water destroys long held verticality and my body collapses… without me even noticing my arms stretched out… I feel the cold wet mud underneath the water embracing my palms… swallowing them… I am so tired… I’ve been walking for so long… unable and unwilling to resist…my arms just kept on sinking… mud became warmer… disgustingly pleasurable feeling… with the tips of my fingers I start to feel something in the mud… this stops my sinking… I take the object with both of my palms… change the direction of my motion… puling the object through the mud towards the surface… and then… I realize… I am holding my decapitated head in my own two hands… at first my vision is blurry…eyes full of mud… I start to gently but hysterically clean my own face… removing the mud away from my eyes, cleaning my nose, my mouth, my cheeks, my forehead, my chin… splashing it with cold icy water… finally… I breathe and see again… with a suspended turning motion I direct my face towards the water… and I see my own reflection… O God! Is that really me!?… my body becomes tensed and petrified… it is an effort of a scream that possessed my body… and indeed… agonizing scream busts out of the mouth of my decapitated head… my arms give up out of horror… my face splashes back into the water… my body straitens up, turns, and starts to run right where it came from… it starts to run back into all those walked centuries!
Horror & the Terrifying
The warrior returns… I feel the earth vibrating… and I know it is him who is approaching… utter terror possesses every cell of my torn apart body… stomping his way through the muddy water… his foot sinks fast… squeezes my face… causing a tremendous pain to my severed head releasing a mute moan… he removes the foot, dives his hand into the water and the mud, grabs my dead hair and pulls my head out with barbaric force… intuitively I start gasping for air… nothing happens… clutching firmly my dead hair with his beasty hand he raises up and shakes my head as if he was holding a wet rag… all the dirt and mud slide off my face in this violent act… this enables me to see… my vison is still blurry… but slowly I start to discern a human shaped figure in front of me… it is a woman… and I witness a metamorphosis… her eyes open as wide as they can get… her throat tightens so strongly that I can see her pulse… her shoulders shrug and her arms elevate in defensive manner… her whole body tries to protect itself from the horror presented to her… finally… she screams so loud causing my ears to blead out the last drops of blood left in my sliced off head… the clutching grip of the beasty hand releases instantaneously… and once again I sink into the mud… and at last… I stop walking!
Love
Horrified woman on the run from the man with the bow who has just attempted to gain her adoration by presenting her my dirty disgusting severed head stumbles upon the back side of my headless non-walking body… this time… she freezes… all power of acting of her being diminishes… two women’s bodies… completely motionless… one headless and the other utterly petrified… create a time-suspended sensation… a sinister looking fat little boy with an arrow in his right hand approaches this eerie image… elevated on his tiny toes he creeps behind the woman’s back… and with a malicious expression on his round face he savagely stings the woman with an arrow in the back side of her corpulent right thigh… time-suspended eerie image cracks by this deed… woman flinches, boy disappears, my body collapses, man appears… the man with a bow in his hand and the woman with an arrow in her thigh meet face to face… realizing that… indeed they are in love!
Vision
The story of the petrified woman and the barbaric man falling in love spread throughout the world possessing the minds and souls of all those misfortune ones… the boy soon became persecuted by the horde that wished to also be sting by a magical arrow of divine love… boy ran and ran to seek shelter in the embrace of his mother… there he becomes invisible for all those haunting lusty eyes and desperate begging hands… all the malice and savageness has vanished from the boy’s appearance once he is held with the arms of the holy… and no divine love will ever be wasted on the horde of dirty blind monstrous pigs!
Suffering & Compassion
Some centuries after… some man in his bright new shiny metal armor… one day just started walking for unknown reason… he started walking and soon enough was not able to stop… his feat… as well covered with metal… were sinking into the sandy soil upon which he walked… he became tired… so tired… and his body so heavy… it had seemed to him as he was walking for centuries… he already reconciled with the idea that this walk is in fact him dying… as soon as he thought that thought… his left foot hits something peeking out of the sandy soil… he trips… and he falls smashing into the ground… this snaps him out of the deadly thoughts… as being awaken after long exhausting dream… he slowly turns his head and adjusts his body in order to see what is that that brought him back in the world of living… what he sees he cannot discern… he plunges his mellow hands into the sandy soil in the attempt to dig up what has been buried… but as he digs the sand just collapses back… he becomes anxious and hysterical… digging faster and faster and stronger… and… then… soft warm wind appears slowly blowing the sand off what has been buried… and the man sees… he sees the bones… the bones of a human body… a skeleton with no head… a skeleton of my whilom headless body… the time suspends… the man closes his eyes, stretches his mellow hand… and with outmost gentleness touches my ribcage… right where my hart once was beating… and before any thought could possess his mind… some fluctuating sensation overcomes his body… he feels being transcended some place and some time else… he opens his eyes… and he see the most painful image he has ever witnessed… yes… the horde finally got a hold on the boy with an arrow of divine love… the boy who has now became a man… a man not anymore protected by the holly parental embrace… and those dirty monstrous pigs finally got their revenge… but not for not being given the love but for not being able to recognize it… and out of their own ignorance they undertook the attempt to deprive the man of that elusive love that they themselves have been longing for and felt deprived from… devastated by the image… the man in the shiny metal armor petrifies… and the silent calm river of tears flows down the face of a man from many centuries ahead!
Liveliness
The silent calm river of tears eventually flushed the man in the shiny metal armor… back… centuries ahead where he came from… he is kneeling in the sandy soil… his mellow hand on my boney rib cage… he came back alright… but not as nearly the same as he was before… his eye lids are wide open… his eyes white… glassy… almost transparent… out of them an endless river of tears pouring incontinently… the fluid starts to melt the shiny metal armor enclosing his body… he becomes completely disarmed… tears continue to flow down his body… soaking the sandy soil beneath his knees… and beneath my headless skeleton… many days have passed and the sand beneath the disarmed man holding his hand on my rib cage became so infused that we started to float… carried by the lachrymal stream we floated together the path I once walked alone… after some while we encountered another object taken away by the same stream… my head… my scull… the man takes a hold of it and places it on its destine place… after so many time I have at last become whole again… and that by virtue of the compassionate man whose eyes will never close again… not even for a moment of one blink… and from them the silent calm river will flow eternally!
He feels no sorrow… he is sorrow… he has no thoughts… he is a thought… he is the purest of all… cleansing the world… invoking the long-forgotten love…
By this lachrymal fluid this purest love and sorrow penetrates my bones… they start to remember the life they once lived… awaken memories display themselves to the loving man…
Motion & Action
Once… we belonged to a woman…said the bones… we carried her flesh and soul throughout the cruel world… she was the purest woman of her times… a woman with a vision… a woman with the mission… but the world… ignorant as it always was, is, will be… could not embrace what she was destined to share… sentencing her to die… they released such monsters in the attempt to end her life… a steam of boiling water and a noose around her neck… knowing there is another world that awaits beyond this ignorant hate… wounded and weak she turns her back… and starts walking her way into the death… but monsters of hate do not stop until they achieve the annihilation… she is blinded by the flash… and her wounded bruised neck is sliced… … her head falls… violently smashing her face to the ground beneath her feat… She has been walking for so long…and is not able to stop… she feels her left foot kicking her own head… setting it to an infinite rolling motion…
With no words and no thoughts… the crying man hugs the bones… sensing the veneration I was never given while alive… my flesh and soul resurrect… I embrace the man… and he whispers into my ear… May your heart and your body forever stay immaculate so that you do not ever perish!
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